You don't say

"I'm not particularly interested in running for president." - Fred Thompson, explaining to Iowa supporters why no one has seen him around lately.

Tom Tancredo's exit provokes Milbank

Dana Milbank is a neurotic paranoid. We know this because he wrote a bizarre essay about the genial Tom Tancredo, in which he repeatedly describes the principled and soft-spoken former presidential candidate as “angry”, without providing a single real example of Tancredo's supposed rage.

The neurotic paranoid Dana Milbank does cite Tancredo’s singing the song “Dixie” as evidence of Tancredo’s anger. Which makes absolutely no sense. Lots of people like the song “Dixie”. The Dukes of Hazzard had a car horn that played “Dixie”, and they weren’t angry. They were just good ol’boys, never meanin’ no harm. I happily sang “Dixie” as a kid in school. The lyrics are funny:

Dar's buck-wheat cakes an 'Ingen' batter,
Makes you fat or a little fatter;
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
Den hoe it down an scratch your grabble,
To Dixie land I'm bound to trabble.
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land

Singing an old song like "Dixie" is only angry in the neurotic, paranoid mind of Dana Milbank.

Milbank obviously believes any opposition to illegal aliens indicates a man is angry. I don’t think Milbank cares about actual illegal aliens, because people in his position never do (if he’s ever had a conversation with one except to complain the bathroom wasn’t cleaned properly I’ll eat a sombrero). No, Milbank’s real concern isn’t illegal aliens at all, it’s preventing Nazi’s from taking little Dana Milbank and putting him in a concentration camp. In the diseased mind of Dana Milbank the only way to prevent a Fourth Reich from erupting on American soil is to flood the United States with non-whites. Because Milbank is gripped by this strange fantasy it causes him to lash out at a gentleman like Tom Tancredo. I hope the mentally unbalanced Milbank gets help. Until he does the Washington Post should refrain from publishing his ravings.

John Edwards gets it done

Apologies for the lack of recent posts, but these candidates are such boring non-entities there hasn’t been anything new to say about them.

UPDATE: In a bold attempt to be less boring and appeal to single mothers of bastard children (a key Democratic constituency), John Edwards has intentionally impregnated a campaign aide. I predict this brilliant move will revitalize the stalled Edwards' campaign and lead to a strong finish for him in Iowa - if not an upset victory.

Huckamania

I’ve avoided commenting on the appalling Huckabee “surge” because Huckabee is no laughing matter (I initially underestimated the menace he posed), he’s a dangerous lunatic advocating a federal ban on smoking. He must be stopped at all costs.

Though Huckabee seeks greater persecution of smokers (as if smokers weren’t already persecuted enough), he condones dog torturers, at least when the torturer is his obese son. I can easily name plenty of good people that enjoy smoking, I can’t name a single decent person that enjoys torturing dogs. Governor Huckabee should look at the beam in his own eye, and not the cigarette in my mouth. As someone named God (remember Him, Governor?) once said:

“Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth...” - Genesis 1:29

Tobacco is, of course, an herb, and therefore a gift from God to all mankind, thus tobacco bans are the work of Satan. You think Huckabee as an ordained minister would know this, but then the Bible also says gluttony is a sin, and that never stopped the Huckabee family from stuffing their fat faces.

Where’s Rudy?

Rudy Giuliani’s been in the hospital with what his spokesman claimed was “the flu”, but sources in the ER are saying the real reason is severe cramps brought on by an overly constrictive girdle.