Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Electioneering News Update

Amusingly named journalist Foon Rhee reports Mitt Romney received the endorsement of fellow cultists The Osmond family. What took them so long?

At a campaign stop at Google headquarters in Silicon Valley, Sen. Barack Hussien Obama compared his “metoric rise” to that of Google’s. What could Barry possibly mean by that? Does he really think Google got to where it is today by being black? Maybe he does.

John McCain’s mental decline was evident at a campaign event in South Carolina when an American patriot asked the Senator “How do we beat the bitch?" Instead of correctly answering 'with a stick,' the doddering Senator incoherently replied:
"That's an excellent question," he added. "I respect Senator Clinton. I respect anyone who gets the nomination of the Democratic Party."
Later, McCain further reminded voters he’s a tired old man by recycling a tired old joke from the 1990’s about CNN standing for the “Clinton news network”.

In Charleston, South Carolina Fred Thompson awoke from a nap mumbling something about wanting “a "million-member" ground force that includes 775,000 in the Army and 225,000 Marines,” but fell back asleep before explaining why. In unrelated news, Canada's oil reserves are now second only to Saudi Arabia.

Hillary Clinton arrived in Las Vegas for a Democratic debate. Despite the proximity of the Vegas Strip, the boring former first lady said she was too busy to do any gambling, drinking, or dancing, and would instead spend most of her time in her hotel room prepping for the debate and having lesbian sex.

Rudi Guliani is also in Las Vegas. At a brief appearance he criticized the Democratic candidates for having “impractical ideas”, then headed out for dinner with some friends.

6 comments:

  1. 'how do we beat the bitch?' shirts, hats, stickers, mugs, buttons, magnets, and more are now available now at:

    **** dirtyword.net ****

    it's the new anti-hillary conservative catch phrase!

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  2. "Obama compared his “metoric rise” to that of Google’s. What could Barry possibly mean by that? "

    Simple--both their rises were meteoric! Two meteoric things are obviously similar.

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  3. That's a good point, Alex.

    I'm not going to change it now, but I've decided the name "Foon Rhee" isn't funny, but cool.

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  4. Because meteors are famous for rising, straight out of their craters and up into the heavens.

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  5. Woah. How did I never notice that before about that phrase. Wow, of all Steve Sailer's brilliant what-is-in-front-of-one's-nose insights, could this take the cake?

    And is "take the cake" a similarly ludicrous phrase? I've never thought of cake as much of a competitive reward.

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  6. With Steve linking here I may have to start proofreading this junk.

    ReplyDelete