Saturday, November 3, 2007

Campaign News Roundup

The Democrats

Exactly as experts warned, Senator Hillary Clinton is using her outward resemblance to a woman to deflect legitmate criticism (or "playing the gender card", as all the original thinkers in the mainstream media describe it).

DC is buzzing like a great big buzzy bee hive with a high murder rate and a Washington monument about a major sex-scandal involving one of the Presidential candidates. There is some speculation the scandal involves a lesbian affair between Hillary Clinton and her aide, the suspected Saudi Arabian intelligence asset Huma Abedin. Some theories are even stranger.

People love little Denny Kucinich and his wife, at least until they find out he's running for president.

Off the record, experts on how race is lived in America speculate Barry H. Obama's racial angst may derive in part from his embarassment over looking black but dancing like an uptight white man.

John O'Sullivan, one of our finest political commentators, has noticed "What a creep John Edwards is," though O'Sullivan concedes it is "very entertaining to watch a snake-oil salesman in full snake mode." O'Sullivan adds: "Nothing will persuade me to abandon democracy, but Edwards comes closer than anything else to doing so." Which is a shame. I abandoned democracy and don't regret it at all.

The Republicans

Recently none of the leading Republican candidates have done anything newsworthy, but it's not unreasonable to assume that in the last week Guliani dressed like a woman, Fred Thompson took a nap because he's lazy, McCain took a nap because he's old, and Romney wore strange underwear because he belongs to a cult.

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