Sunday, August 31, 2008

Campaign 2008: The view from Europe

In a demonstration highlighting his global appeal, Obama supporters in the UK flogged themselves while chanting his middle name.

Italy's La Stampa thinks selecting Palin is “The most slap sound that McCain could inflict to Obama.” Or something like that.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Sarah Palin

I can only laugh at the excitement among ‘conservatives’ over Sarah Palin, an unexceptional woman who needs to be at home holding her children when they cry, not in the White House holding John McCain when he bombs Iran and Russia.

Phyllis Schlafly once said: “The flight from the home is a flight from yourself, from responsibility, from the nature of woman, in pursuit of false hopes and fading illusions.” Today’s ‘conservatives’ not only don’t realize she was right, they don’t realize they’ve adopted the “pursuit of false hopes and fading illusions” as a central tenet.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

A closer look at the history making acceptance speech of Barack Barry Soetero Hussein OBAMA

Highlights from The Speech and commentary

“Now, I don't believe that Senator McCain doesn't care what's going on in the lives of Americans. I just think he doesn't know… It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.”

Of course McCain doesn’t know or get it, he’s a doddering old man. I find Obama’s ageism deeply offensive.

“For over two decades, he's subscribed to that old, discredited Republican philosophy give more and more to those with the most and hope that prosperity trickles down to everyone else. In Washington, they call this the Ownership Society, but what it really means is you're on your own. Out of work? Tough luck. No health care? The market will fix it. Born into poverty? Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps even if you don't have boots. You're on your own.”

The Republicans’ eliminated the welfare state? Really? I’ve been drunk for over two decades, but still, you think I would have noticed that.

“Ours is a promise that says government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves; protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe.”

Hence the Toys Clause of the United States Constitution.

“You don't protect Israel and deter Iran just by talking tough in Washington. You can't truly stand up for Georgia when you've strained our oldest alliances.”

Here I thought protecting Israel, bombing Iran, and going to war over Georgia were McCain’s deal. Moving to the center!

“John McCain likes to say that he'll follow bin Laden to the Gates of Hell but he won't even go to the cave where he lives.”

Have Obama’s Mussulman friends told him where Osama is? Is he saying he will invade Pakistan?

“I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first.”

I guess he wasn’t paying attention when he attended the AIPAC convention.

“We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country.”

We may not agree on women’s team handball, but I find it mildly entertaining.

“The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals.”

As an advocate of putting AK-47’s in the hands of Cleveland’s criminals I find this deeply offensive.

“Passions fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers.”

He doesn’t pull any punches, does he? Not to nitpick, but in the latter example the employer benefits.

“I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don't fit the typical pedigree, and I haven't spent my career in the halls of Washington.”

What career? Failing as a ‘community organizer’ and getting appointed to some board by your terrorist friend isn’t a career.

“But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's been about you.

For eighteen long months, you have stood up, one by one, and said enough to the politics of the past. You understand that in this election, the greatest risk we can take is to try the same old politics with the same old players and expect a different result. You have shown what history teaches us that at defining moments like this one, the change we need doesn't come from Washington. Change comes to Washington. Change happens because the American people demand it because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.”

Your people, sir—your people is a great beast. – Alexander Hamilton.

“It is that American spirit that American promise that pushes us forward even when the path is uncertain; that binds us together in spite of our differences; that makes us fix our eye not on what is seen, but what is unseen, that better place around the bend.

That promise is our greatest inheritance. It's a promise I make to my daughters when I tuck them in at night, and a promise that you make to yours a promise that has led immigrants to cross oceans and pioneers to travel west; a promise that led workers to picket lines, and women to reach for the ballot.”

For you see, our inheritance isn’t America herself, for she is mostly the creation of evil white men. Only by doing good for the non-white, the non-men, and the non-Americans can some day America truly be a “better place”. A good step down this hard road is electing you know who.

“And it is that promise that forty five years ago today, brought Americans from every corner of this land to stand together on a Mall in Washington, before Lincoln's Memorial, and hear a young preacher from Georgia speak of his dream.”

I’m tired of hearing about “The Dream”. I’m tired of hearing MLK intone “Thank God Almighty!” I’m tired of hearing BO’s alien name. I’m tired.

“They could've been told to succumb to the fear and frustration of so many dreams deferred.”

Like raisins in the bran.

“America, we cannot turn back.”

Why not?

“Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for.”

Not with Tiny Tim out there with no Christmas goose.

“Thank you, God Bless you, and God Bless the United States of America. Now I’m going to put on these wings I built and fly out of here, sort of like a big brown Brewster McCloud. Thank You.”

You have to admit the finale was impressive.

On the history making acceptance speech of Barack Barry Soetero Hussein OBAMA

Saturday, August 23, 2008

They got tested for AIDS

Remember when the crowds rushed to witness OBAMA? Remember the excitement? The awe? “Behold, He walks amongst us!” they exulted. “Is He glowing? I think He glows! Dare I touch the hem of His robe in hopes it cures my warty finger?” they whispered. “Who will he bless with the privilege of being his vice president?” they wondered. “Bono? Lando Calrissian? H.R. Puff 'n' Stuff?”

It all seems so long ago now

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Dear Saddleback Forum

On Saturday McCain and Hussein Obama appeared at Saddleback Creek, an evangelical humongochurch, for questioning by the church’s pastor Rick Warren. Alas, neither boring candidate turned the tables and asked the corpulent preacherman when gluttony stopped being a sin, but there were a few interesting moments.

Asked about Supreme Court Justices, Obama Barry Soetero said he “Would not have appointed Clarence Thomas because Thomas wasn't ready at the time.” Amazingly, the audience didn’t burst into laughter.

The candidates were asked to name the “three wisest people they would consult as president”. McCain named General David Petraeus, architect of  'The Surge' in Iraq; CEO of eBay Meg Whitman, architect of the swap meet on your Aunt Gladys’s computer; and Rep. John Lewis, black liberal Democrat and Obama supporter. Amazingly, the audience didn’t burst into laughter.

Obama said the three people he would consult were his grandmamma, though it wasn’t clear if meant the American one he threw under the bus for being ‘racist’ or the Kenyan one who still works in the fields at age 86 while The Obama flies around in a jet; his wife, a resentful affirmative action queen; and Sam Nunn and Dick Lugar, who Obama seems to believe are only one person – and he may be right.

If I were President my three “wisepersons” would be:

Goodspaceguy Nelson. Current gubernatorial candidate and visionary who wants to build orbital space colonies around the Earth, Moon, and eventually Mars.

The Fenzghang Thing. It gets the nod over the Ghanaian Abomination because of the economic and geostrategic importance of China.

Magic 8-Ball. Q. Will the next president be, if not a success, or at least minimally competent, perhaps something slightly less bad than an absolute disaster? A. Outlook not so good.

Overall strategy for losing

“As this race unfolds, the winning coalition for us is clearer and clearer. There are three demographic variables that explain almost all of the voters in the primary—gender, party, and income. Race is a factor as well, but we are fighting hard to neutralize it.”
 – from a March 2007 internal memo titled “Overall Strategy for Winning”, written by Mark Penn, Chief Strategist of the Hillary Clinton Campaign [emphasis added].

“Much of [Clinton's] bungled strategy was the consequence of stereotypes. She and her brain trust assumed she would win at least some of the black vote; thinking blacks might put race first is not a thought liberals allow themselves to have. They also assumed white voters in caucus states like Idaho and North Dakota were bigots who would never vote for a black man, so she didn’t compete enough in those places.”
 – from a May 2008 blog posting titled “Sterotypes”, written by C. Van Carter.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Memories from the campaign trail

Fuzzyfundy, rocking YOU like a hurricane!
Hillary Clinton being hit on by my tiny valet SeƱor Moreno.
John McCain gets a special pizza commemorating his 80th birthday.
Human-pig hybrid known as the Ghanaian abomination.